Different But the Same

I am waiting for my flight home. After the hurry, hurry, hurry and rush, rush, rush to get to the airport, check-in, go through security, I now have plenty of time to wait. I was lucky enough to secure a pass to the United Club so I wait in a nice atmosphere with free food and cushy chairs.  And in my waiting, I have time to reflect on my week here in London.

Yep, THAT London.  The one in England.  It is my first trip here and I hope, won't by my last.  To be honest, London has never been high on my list of must-see places.  I mean, after all, they speak English which means they aren't very exotic.  No, I want foreign lands with foreign tongues and foreign ways of living.

So imagine my surprise when I fell in love with London and its people.  We are different yet the same. I see so much heritage here that influenced the birth and heritage of my home country, the USA.  And I can also see why our forefathers decided to break away from royalty and become a land of fierce independents.  

But it's the one-to-one connections, the person-to-person connections that have made the most impact on me.  We are different but the same.  We seek similar goals of love, belonging, family, safety and such.  Indeed, that is true no matter where I travel.  Language may be a barrier.  Customs may be seem unfamiliar.  But at the core, the heart of it, we are not so different but the same.

So thank you Maggie and Di and Peter and the Uber drivers and nameless others who welcomed me to your delightful city and made my stay so enjoyable!

If you want to see photos, you can follow me on Instagram @kcpace

Kim Pace (aka Casey) ~ Writing Again

I haven't posted in awhile.  I want to get back to writing.  I am going to start a new blog because I want a clean, fresh palette.  I want to write under my own name, Kim Pace, and not a nickname or pseudonym anymore.  I will cross post here for a little while....

October 19, 2015
My Life in a Little Black Box

 
Panic is the best way to describe the feeling I had today when I reached for my handbag and it wasn’t there.  I had just returned home from a lovely girlfriend’s weekend in Healdsburg when I discovered its absence.  In the hustle and bustle of getting six women out of the rental house and packed into two cars, the handbag was left behind.  How could that be?  It is always nestled on the passenger’s side or tucked safely behind the driver’s seat.  How could I leave my life behind?

I panicked.  I could hardly bear the thought of driving two hours back to the scene of the crime, but I felt compelled to return immediately!  After all, the cleaning crew would be at the house soon and who knows what would happen to my life then?  My saintly husband drove.  My breezy comments about the things we saw along the way did a poor job of hiding my growing desperation ~ a feeling that was aggravated by my unreturned phone calls from the owner of the rental property.  So what if he was healing from a recent medical procedure?  This was my life!  Answer the phone!

I tried to calm myself down.  Okay.  Take inventory.  What exactly was sitting inside the little black box that I had left behind?  Lipstick and comb.  Who cares?  Prescription eyeglasses?  Expensive!  Wallet?  Ah, the keeper of my life!   Driver’s license.  Multiple credit cards.  Bank card.  Health identification card.  Resale license.  Assorted gift cards.  This inventory was not calming me down.  The thought of cancelling and then replacing those important bits of plastic caused frustration, annoyance and truthfully ~ disgust.  How could I possibly leave my life behind?

After repeated attempts to reach the landlord, my thoughts went spinning out of control.  The cleaning crew would soon be there. They will find my purse.  They will discover my life and steal it.  I will have to report them to the police.  No, they will take my purse to the police station and when I call, I will be told yes it is there but they are closing so come back tomorrow.  Tomorrow!  I have driven two hours!   There is no coming back!  My thoughts weren’t pretty.

“What if my handbag isn’t there when we arrive,” I wailed to my husband?  “What if the crew takes it?”

My irreverent reverie was interrupted by the landlord’s phone call…cleaning crew wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow.  He hopes I find the handbag.  With worries about the crew out of the way, I settled down and began to ponder the life I had left behind.

How silly to think what was sitting inside that little black box was my life!  Yes, those plastic cards were important to maneuvering in my world, but they didn’t define me!  They weren’t who I am!  It would be time-consuming and highly annoying to replace them, but it didn’t require replacing the me in my life.

I began to take deep breaths.  My husband assured me my little black box would be there.  We drove into the driveway.  I unlocked the front door and stepped inside. And there it was.  My black handbag sitting on the pristine white counter.  Bathed in the light streaming in the kitchen windows.   Almost glowing. Thank you, God!

As I swooped it up, I actually felt giddy.  It’s safely back in my possession.  My life had been restored.  Correction.  The trappings of my life had been restored, but I ~ the me in my life ~ had been there all along.

Ready. Aim. Focus.

2013. Grow. Journey. Adventure.

As I entered 2013 last January, I could not get "a" word.  Usually one word comes to me and is my compass for the year.  But last January three words came to mind and that should have been my clue.  Little did I know that "the" word, a singular word, wouldn't become apparent again until I had journeyed through the 365 days ahead of me.

It is said that it takes an average of two years before coming out from under the fog of death, divorce or other loss of a great love.  I thought with my mother's passing in December 2012 that I was freed up from responsibilities of her care and that time, resources and focus would literally be on an adventure.  I even envisioned exactly what that adventures would be.

Well, I did take some road trips, but my 2013 words were not about those kind of adventures.

What I missed in my assessment of "grow, journey, adventure" was how inter-related yet separate each word was.  I would spend a year growing into my new reality of Mom's absence, and with it, the empty feeling of being an orphan.  I would spend a year slowly journeying down a path of mourning, shedding my mantle from deeply impacted grief to step out of the fog into daylight.  I just didn't realize this was my year's journey because I was so functional and deeply sad but not miserable.  And I did have fun, even terrific adventures but now I realize they weren't the focus but merely gifts in my year's journey.

As I experienced a most amazing joy-filled Christmas at the end of 2013, and as I looked back over Christmas 2012, I now realized that I was on an unexpected journey from despair to hope, fog to light.  And so, my singular word has returned.

2014. Focus.

I am a life-long generalist.  So much interests me that I get bored quickly.  There is just too much to experience.  In many ways, this layering of multiple experiences has served me well, but at the same time it has kept me from going deeper.

Focus. I even know what I am to focus on.  True, it's not just one avenue, but it's going deeper in selected avenues and not being distracted. 

In 2013, I was on a journey back to life, back to my mother's legacy of "Love hard. Play often. Forgive much. Live well."  Had I known, I would have embraced the journey.

"For I am about to do something new.  See, I have already begun!  Do you not see it?  I will make a pathway through the wilderness.  I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19, NLT

No, I did not see it, but I see it now.  A pathway has opened and for this year I need to focus, nourished by fresh flowing rivers within me.

"Focus your eyes straight ahead; keep your gaze on what is in front of you." - Proverbs 4:25, CEB

I have energy that was missing.  I have hope that was shrouded.  I have true joy in being right where I am at the start of a new year.  Focus.  It's a good word.
 

Love You Eternally

Today I wanted the world to stop and acknowledge a year's time since Mom's passing ~ but it didn't.  Life moved on with its everyday stuff.  It felt normal.  Too normal.  I wanted tears and gnashing of teeth, but what came were small waves of sadness.

Indeed, they say that time heals all wounds, but I think they've got it wrong.  My wounds are not healed; they are manageable.  Her loss is still great, but it has been reduced to tender moments rather than mounds of grief.

When I think of Mom and Dad passing on the same day ~ the 9th ~ albeit different months and different years, it makes me smile.  They were together 62 years, why wouldn't they exit life out the same door?  But when I stop and dwell on the reality that I am an orphan, the smile fades and I cling only to the memories.

Today, it is about lifting up Mom's memories.  I cannot move further into another year without her, unless I first acknowledge her loss and embrace her love that still shines within me.

Here's looking at you, Mom!  I hope you are enjoying heaven as much as you enjoyed life on earth. 

You are the Architect

9

Nine.  A number that for most, may not bear any particular meaning.  For me, nine means death.  Loss.  Repositioning of my place in the order of things.  Rethinking who I am, where I came from, where I am headed.  

I was kindly warned that grief would have many faces.  Nine is one of them.  Nine is the number both of my parents chose to disembark from planet Earth, albeit on different years.  

I am trying hard to be grateful for their longevity.  Thankful for their loving parenting.  Honoring of who they were simply for they sake of who they were and not just because they were my parents.

I am trying hard to believe that they are dancing with the angels and not just disappearing in the dirt.  I am clinging to heaven with the hope of Christ.  I have no choice.  Otherwise, I feel desperation.

Perhaps it's because this is a week that ends with a journey to place Mom's ashes next to Dad's back in their chosen place of resting.  It was her wish.  It's the least I can do despite my dread.  I will most likely never go back to that place again.  Makes me sad.

So I will shake the grief off my shoes and walk ahead.  It's what they both would want.  Nestled forever in my heart and my memories.

Loneliness

http://www.marksdailyapple.com/the-impact-of-loneliness/#axzz2e2LENfHD

Healing the Whole

"...we may feel ourselves torn between the priorities of healing ourselves ~ resolving our own inner spiritual or psychological problems ~ and attempting to cure the social and economic ills that beset our culture.  While each of us undoubtedly has much inner work to do, this attitude ...continues to view the individual as somehow separate from the rest of the world.  But if we accept that we are totally part of this living Earth, then we must recognize that isolated health is an illusion.  Healing ourselves and working to resolve the contradictions in the human-earth ecology is the same work." - Earth Prayers

Divine Conversations

"If we have a wonderful sense of the divine it is because we live amid such awesome magnificence...While the distinction between spirit and matter is valid, no one can separate the two;  no one can draw a line between them.  Spirit and matter are not two different realms of reality, two different layers of the universe.  One and the same reality will be material or spiritual depending on how we approach it.  (Regardless) of where we immerse ourselves in the stream of reality, we can touch the spiritual source of all that is natural." ~ (from Earth Prayers)

The beauty of the trees,

the softness of the air,

the fragrance of the grass,

speaks to me.

The summit of the mountains,

the thunder of the sky,

the rhythm of the sea,

speaks to me.

The faintness of the stars,

the freshness of the morning,

the dewdrop on the flower,

speaks to me.

The strength of fire,

the taste of salmon,

the trail of the sun,

and the lite that never goes away,

they speak to me.

And my heart soars.

(Chief Dan George)

 

On the Anniversary of Your Leaving

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there.  I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glint on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you wake in the morning hush.

I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.

I am not there.  I do not sleep.

(Joyce Fossen)

Defined by the Sky

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe #6

 
Santa Fe is known for its art (being the second largest art market in the U.S. after NY City), its film industry, its downtown square and marketplace, its architecture and history.  But for me, Santa Fe is defined by its sky.  An expansive, deeply blue sky often populated by the purest white clouds.  I was literally captivated by the light, and that feeling never abated the entire time we were there.

I can see why artists flock to the area to paint, sculpt, photograph.  I can see why the arts community has created the incredible, nonstop collection of galleries on Canyon Road and throughout the entire downtown.  I can see why serious collectors, wanna-be's, and admirers of the arts flock to Santa Fe.  I, too, am irresistibly drawn to the light and the art it inspires.

Choosing Better

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe #5
Sometimes You Gotta Change Your Plans

Our getaway from Phoenix was going to be fast, straight and boring, given that we had driven the highway north out of town a gazillion times.  Fast track past Prescott and Sedona, turn right at Flagstaff and off we go to New Mexico.  But sometimes, plans get changed when something better comes along.

"You just have to take the Rim Route.  Scenic.  Circuitous.  Far more interesting than the interstate."  We jumped on it and headed northeast through Payson, Arizona eventually meeting up with I-40 on its relentless charge due east to the neighboring state.  Fifty miles shorter than our original route but a half hour longer in time, and it was worth every mile of the trip.

Which brings me back to the word "better."  It's subjective on some level because I am sure there are travelers who cringe at the idea of changing plans, or leaving their beloved four-lane super-highways.  For us, however, the journey between destinations is fully a part of the adventure.  So driving a meandering highway off the valley floor where desert plants abound, and making our way up in altitude with its completely different scenery, was worth every mile of the "detour," making it "better" than our original choice.

So I ask you ~ when was the last time you chose "better" over safe or it's-how-I-always-do-it or the-plan-is-the-plan?  You might find that "better" opens your world in ways you never expected.    

By the Time I Get to Phoenix

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe #4
Beyond the Sites

The drive on I-10 from Joshua Tree to Phoenix is somewhat of a letdown after our glorious desert excursion.  Being on a four-lane highway driving 70mph+ with all the other transients on the road just isn't the same as the quiet, scenic tour-de-Joshua Tree. But Phoenix has an attraction that compels me to go.

 I have been to Arizona so many times that it's no longer about exploring the sites, discovering new restaurants, shopping for treasures and all the other usual touristy things.  I go now to engage in comfortable conversations that picked up where we left off, dine in familiar restaurants eating my favorite meals, stroll through certain neighborhoods to see who has made changes, and just generally enjoy the company of family and friends.

Sometimes trips aren't just about what we can see or experience.  Sometimes they are about stoking the fires of love with people who matter in our lives.

Other Worldly

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe #3
It's Not All About the Sand

 
If you have never visited a desert, then you can't fully appreciate the variety of life forms that have evolved over time to exist in its extreme and wildly fluctuating conditions.  Sure, you might see a cactus in someone's garden, but not until you see it in its natural setting can you fully appreciate its exquisite survival skills.  Not until you visit in the Spring after a good winter's rain, can you imagine the beauty of the flowers that briefly visit this harsh land.

Joshua Tree National Park offers an interesting intersection of high (Mojave) and low (Colorado) deserts, and with it, you can experience a wide range of desert plants.  The drive from the high desert western entrance to the low desert southern entrance is like none other as you experience a change in altitude, landscape and plant life.  An added bonus is an oasis that pops up throughout the park where land shifts have allowed underground water to rise to the surface.

 
 It truly is an other worldly experience.

 

Bits and Tips

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe #2
Sharing the Extras

There is no doubt that Joshua Tree National Park can stand on its own.  It's beauty and character speak for itself.  But a girl's just gotta have fun, so I'm sharing some of the bits and tips we discovered along the way. 

Located in Landers, CA off hyway 247 in the high desert above Yucca Valley northwest of Joshua Tree, is a white geodome that has perfect acoustics;  just what you need for an out-of-this-world sound immersion experience.  Makes sense since the man who built the place reports he was abducted by aliens who gave him the site coordinates and building instructions.  It's now owned by two doctors from NY.  Having experienced sound immersion from someone who has "played"  singing bowls at the Integratron, I was deeply disappointed that we weren't able to make an appointment to go in.  Believe it or not, this place was already on my bucket list, so now I will have to make it back here some day.   

Rock out.  Peace out.  Far out.  Pappy & Harriett's in Pioneertown, CA on hgwy 247 between Landers and Yucca Valley.  Located in what was once a fake western constructed by Gene Autry and Roy Rogers for their cowboy movies, this saloon/restaurant/concert venue is a happening, hopping place.  Whatever you do, don't come sporting your white tennies.  There must be something hip in your wardrobe you can wear ~ something casual but screamingly cool.  Food is good.  Alcohol plenty.  Reservations highly recommended.

If nature/natural/organic are words that describe food worthy of your time, check out these two venues.  Both are in the town of Joshua Tree, east of Yucca Valley near the western entrance to the national park.

I can't talk about the local attractions without mentioning art.  So here's a list of venues in the area where artists interpret their own Joshua Tree experience.

P.S. Sorry for the sideways photos.  Blogger doesn't always cooperate unless you are using their Picasso. 

Love Shack

Road Trip ~ Joshua Tree to Santa Fe
Stepping Out, Feeling the Love

With winter behind us and the weather warming up, we packed the car and set out on a two-week road trip.  This time we are heading to familiar places but with the idea of experiencing them in new ways.

First stop, Joshua Tree National Park, California in the high desert north of Palm Springs.  Having lived in the LA basin for 11 years, this intersection of the Mojave and Colorado Deserts was one of my favorite places to camp, hike and just soak in the unique qualities of the desert.  So how do we make a new experience out of a place I've been to many, many times?

It starts with our accommodations.  We usually like a bit of spontaneity in our travel, not always making overnight reservations, which can sometimes hamper our style.  But since this trip will bump into Memorial Day, we decided to not take chances.  After reading an article in a recent Sunset Magazine, I jumped at the chance to book a bona fide Airstream trailer.  Yes, those silver bullet land yachts that are uber hip and cool.  It was on our bucket list to own and/or rent one, but who knew we could just spend a night or two in the high desert?

 Six of these sleek beauties are nestled on a plof of land that gives a sweeping view of a desert valley.  They are decorated inside in different themes, none of them the factory original.  Not only are we staying in a very cool trailer in a quiet yet accessible location, the kicker is they belong to Kate from the B`52's rock group.  Yep, we are staying in our very own Love Shack.

..
 The caretakers of this divine trailer park have known Kate ever since the Love Shack video was filmed at their house.  I mean the connection is totally cool, but what makes it is the Airstream itself.  Wild.  Colorful.  Out of the ordinary.  Definitely a different way to experience Joshua Tree.  Oh, and occasionally we hear jets from 29 Palms military base that are training for desert warfare. This is going to be a great adventure!

P.S. Don't get the idea that these land yachts are luxury accommodations.  Just know that they are funky and fun and just too hip for words.  And the sunset is killer.

 

Marriage Lessons Beyond the Cross #7

"The scandal of ~ but main support for ~ Christianity is the resurrection."  Without it, Christ would have died on the cross and that would have been the end of the story.  But the empty tomb is really the crux of an incredible, continuing story that began long before Christ entered this world.   You either believe, or you don't.

And if you believe, then does your life reflect that belief?  Does your marriage and how you treat your spouse reflect that belief?  If you have you received the unmerited gifts of mercy and grace, earned on the bloody back and torn hands of Jesus Christ, then there is no excuse for persecuting your spouse.  Christ suffered persecution so you/we/they don't have to.

So swallow your chocolate bunny, grab your spouse and get on your knees in thanks not only for the gifts of Easter, but for the gift of your spouse.  

Christ has risen!!!!!

(Luke 24:1-35)

Marriage Lessons at the Foot of the Cross #6

The death of Jesus set in motion several physical cataclysms in the natural world that "mirrored spiritual realities, for Jesus' death was a spiritual cataclysm that resulted in opening the way for sinful human beings to approach a Holy God."

The Bible says that even if His followers say nothing, the rocks will cry out the Truth of Christ being Who He says He is.  As soon as He died on the cross, the crowd, the very people who wanted Him to be their king and then crucified Him, beat their breasts in horror ~ a non-believing Centurion exclaimed Jesus to be a Righteous Man ~ and Joseph, a member of the Jewish council,  got permission to give Jesus a proper burial.  And what about Christ's acquaintances, His disciples, His close followers?  They held back and watched. 

Before we condemn them, think about what they must have been thinking and feeling.  Confusion.  Sorrow.  And even, maybe, a bit of anger and a feeling of having been misled.  We have the perspective of hindsight.  We know how the story ends, but they were living knee-deep in the midst of it. 

We can find ourselves knee-deep in behavioral cataclysms in our marriage that render love cataclysms between spouses.  The behavior may be drastic as an affair or substance abuse, or systematic as a pattern of lying, overspending, withholding love or forgiveness.  It may even be outside forces that have the power to break apart our relationship.  So who do we choose to be in these confusing, sorrowful and angry times?  As the spouse who is acting out, do we justify our behavioral cataclysm, or even worse, refuse to recognize our damaging behavior, or do we acknowledge and get help?  As the hurt spouse, do we offer love (with healthy boundaries) or stand by and watch?  If outside forces are hurting our marriage, do we suffer an implosion or stand guard at the gate to protect our sovereign bond?

In the middle of the story, do we turn away or turn towards Christ ~ who went to the Cross to die for us even though He knew that those closest to Him would be confused, sad and even a bit angry; who would do nothing on His behalf at His moment of greatest need.  Whether we are the acting out spouse or the aggrieved spouse, do we bow at the foot of the Cross to seek and accept Christ's gift of His death so that we can approach a Holy God whose Love is desperately needed to overcome our natural human condition?.

(Luke 22:44-56) 

  

Marriage Lessons at the Foot of the Cross #5

Friday is the most confusing and distressing day of Easter weekend.  It was a tough week just getting to this point, but to realize that Christ actually endures crucifixion is truly unthinkable on so many levels.  In the process of dealing with this grueling reality, we can miss the biggest message of the day ~ GRACE.

Crucifixion Friday was not about death; it was about a gift, an unfathomable gift of grace.

grace ~ 1) favor or goodwill  2) a manifestation of favor, especially by a superior  3) mercy, clemency, parden  4) the freely given, unmerited favor and love of God

If we say we are followers of Christ, then are we not called to act as followers?  Thank God in heaven, we are not asked to endure an actual crucifixion, Jesus did that work for us, but are we not called to place our sinful  behavior on the cross?  Are we not called to put our selfish desires, pettiness, past hurts, controlling natures and all the other destructive attitudes and actions on the cross and extend grace to our spouse?

Grace.  God's grace flowed from His Love for us, and our offering of grace to our spouse comes from our devotion to Christ.  It will not flow naturally from our human love because we are flawed.  It will only flow as a gift enabled by the Holy Spirit.  That's why forgiveness is so hard when we try to do it in our own flesh.  As Believers, don't we owe our spouse the Grace of Christ?  We didn't earn His grace ~ should our spouse have to earn ours? 

(Luke 22:26-43) 

Marriage Lessons on the Way to the Cross #4

On Palm Sunday, the crowd is clamoring for Christ's autograph and claiming Him king, yet just a few days later, they are ready to crucify Him.  How did things change so quickly?

Was Jesus really speaking to their hearts on that joyous Sunday or was their adoration and praise merely rock band hysteria or maybe thoughts of personal gain?  Was their 180 degree turnaround a result of "crowd think" or maybe their anger and bitterness that Jesus was not the king they expected Him to be?

Has anything changed today?  Do we accept Christ when He is/does what we want, then reject Him when He's not?  Do we treat our spouses, friends, family the same way?

(Luke 23:1-25)