I Am Me

I met an elderly woman this week who in my mind is beautiful and worthy of being accepted for who she is ~ despite a recent stroke and heart attack ~ rather than being branded as someone who used to keep a perfect house, made prize-worthy meals and dressed impeccably.  I found her witty and charming.  Granted, I didn't know her then so I have nothing to compare her to now but maybe that's how it should be.

Why is it we often refer to an aging or chronically ill or newly disabled person as the person they used to be?  Why is it we can't allow this person the dignity of being who they are now?  It seems to me that he or she then becomes frozen in what was rather than rejoicing in what is.

Rethinking Black

 Black Friday.  I always used to think that was a very weird name for the biggest shopping day of the year.  I know it refers to the theoretical day when many retailing businesses enter the four short weeks when they earn most of their entire year's profits, but it still sounds so morbid.  There once was a time when I eagerly anticipated this shopping day.  While the men watched after-Turkey-dinner football, the women would be at the kitchen table plotting out our Friday shopping route.  That was back in the day when Black Friday offered the absolute best deals of the season, after which prices would be at their highest until Christmas Eve.

Lots of things have conspired to take away the magic of Black Friday and make this crazy shopping day much less appealing.  I spent 5 years in the corporate buying offices of a large company.  That will take away your enthusiasm for Black Friday.  Instead, it starts the highly angst ridden days of praying that your business plan works and you end up a hero instead of a bum at the end of the Christmas season.

For the past 5 years years or more, it seems that retailers have gotten more anxious and nervous, and began offering ridiculous deals all throughout the Christmas shopping season.  I mean why drag yourself out of bed when you can get almost the same deal two weeks later when the corporate bigwigs start to panic and demand greater sales volume?  So it just didn't make sense to me to shop in the Black Friday mayhem.

On-line shopping became more appealing.  Nothing like sitting in my jammies with a hot cup of tea and let my fingers do the walking, and my credit card do the shopping.  Besides, I love it when the UPS truck stops in front of my house with packages to open and re-discover what I purchased.

The biggest determent to Black Friday is that we sort of stopped giving gifts because we sort of don't need anything.  Not that we don't want anything, but we no longer wrap Christmas up in a pretty, bow-covered box.  It has become more about the gift that was given to us 2,000 years ago that still remains fresh and vibrant and meaningful, long after the last sale has ended.


 

Puppets

One of the bloggers I follow on a fairly regular basis has decided to sign off for the entire month of November.  She's neither writing blogs nor reading them, tweeting or re-tweeting, not even Facebooking.  She's gone AWOL not for any other reason than she feels she needs a break from virtual life to focus on her real one.  Some people might argue that her on-line community is merely an extension of her local one, but I get where she's coming from.  I really do.

I've been wrestling with some of this social media stuff myself ~ more specifically with Facebook.  For a venue that captures so much of our lives, which we willingly post, I might add ~ we have so little control over how the Facebook Masters manipulate us Facebook puppets.  They have our information in their hands to be dispensed, disposed of and/or archived to their liking.  That's the part that bothers me.  So lately I've been deleting photos (although I know Facebook keeps them in their basement) and been more selective on my personal posts, saying less.  That's not so hard.

The tough thing is I'm a commentator ~ I like to comment on other people's posts.  I guess that makes me feel like I'm part of the dialogue, but maybe it's more just about expressing my opinion simply because I have one. And I'm beginning to ask myself if that's really necessary; do people really care about my two cents' worth?  Do I really care?  And it's about at this point that I have to stop getting all philosophical about social media and just accept it at face value for what it is.  I'm just to be more careful about which media I attach my puppet strings to and how frequently I dance their dance.





 

Change, Change Go Away, Don't Come Back Another Day

Can we talk?  What is it with these techie guys who make changes that are illogical in the real world?  I get that innovation brings change, and change is often awkward and difficult.  But really, if techies want us to embrace a new idea, it has to at least function in a real person's world.  And that's how I feel about the design changes proposed by Blogger.  Nuff said. 

Not !

I would love to say this photo graced an article denying that shopping is the way to happiness, but it didn't.  It did offer minor acknowledgment that since becoming a mother, the author can no longer indulge entirely in her mantra that clothes-make-the-woman  (her baby barely trumped  her clothes closet).  She spent a lot of time whining about the loss of freedom to attend three-day parties celebrating some big-name designer's new collection.  Her tone was partially tongue-in-cheek and partially her truth.  

I get it.  Really I do.  I'm not a clothes horse but I get how women can get wrapped up in the whole fashion scene.  What I don't get is when these women allow their clothes, or worse yet, the blind pursuit of shopping to define who they are.  I dumbfounded over that concept ~ really, I am.  It's a nice capitalistic sentiment that keeps our economy going (and I'm all for that), but it's not the foundation of my self-worth.  

Even in my BC days (before Christ), my parents' instilled a sense of value and self-worth in me that stood separate from what I did, wore or looked like.  In my AD days (after accepting Christ), I realized my true value in God.  I am His child, pre-thought of before I was even conceived, cherished and loved by Him.  Don't get me wrong.  I still like steppin' out with a freshly washed face and clean, even somewhat matching clothes, but it doesn't make me who I am.  Nothing I own or could buy makes me who I am.  Nothing.

Seven Seconds or Bust

I went to a marketing seminar this week on social media, only to learn that blogging is passe`.  Not all blogging but the blogging that makes readers sit for more than 7 seconds.  Yep, that's suppose to be our attention span these days ~ 7 seconds.  At first I was annoyed with people thinking that they are missing out on sooooo much with such short fuses, but then I got to thinking about you.  Yes, you.  

You may not read my blog daily, but I know some of you are faithful followers; faithful enough to even sign up and automatically receive my posts.   I'm not necessarily profound or witty all the time but we have somehow made a connection, you and I.  Many of my posts take longer than 7 seconds to read ~ heck, I know they took longer than that to write!  

I follow other people's blogs, too.  Some write daily, as I try to do (except for my Sunday sabbath) and some post when they get to it or having something significant to say, but it's a deeper connection than 5 lines on Facebook or 140 characters on Twitter.  And people want connection!  We're relational beings and not just 7 second grazers (although I can graze with the best of them ~ lol).

So here's to you for taking more than 7 seconds out of your day to read my blog and sometimes even commenting back or passing it along to others.  Have a great weekend and I'll "see" you on Monday!
 

How to Be Sensible and Spirited

I present to you without further fanfare, the approved colors for women's fashion this fall  (remember, I don't make this stuff up, I've just edited for brevity) ~

Fall 2011−The Art of Color− Sensible and Spirited
 
"Taking cues from the great masters, sepia tones of old Hollywood, Chinese opera, cityscapes and countryside, designers are paying close attention to texture, contrast and color for fall 2011 – pairing menswear with feminine twists, warm prints with cool metals, incorporating both old and new influences, and creating an intriguing (my italics) balance between colors.

'Designers take a painterly approach to fall 2011 by artfully combining bright colors with staple neutrals, reminiscent of how an artist would construct a stunning work of art,' said Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone Color Institute®. 'Much like a painter's masterpiece, there is a certain romance  (again, my italics) to this season's palette.'

Bamboo, a surprising fall hue, brings a warm, exotic flavor to the season. Like a filtered sunset on the waning days of fall, Bamboo is a standout yellow with a subtle green undertone.

Radiant Emberglow, a traditional autumnal tone, emanates the warmth of a glowing fire – the perfect panacea to the crisp air of fall.

Offering a sense of continuity from spring, dynamic Honeysuckle adds a bold punctuation point. This playful, reddish pink works with any other color in the palette.

Phlox, a magical, deep purple with a hint of mystery, is an outstanding statement when worn on its own.

Evoking the freshness of a cool mist in a dark forest, Cedar is a versatile, mid-tone neutral green.

Deep Teal, a strong, blue-toned green, suggests ocean depths and the color of the sky as daylight descends into darkness.

Rich, decadent Coffee Liqueúr brings a sense of elegance to fall, and is a savory alternative to basic black. A deliciously warm camel tan, Nougat is tastefully embellished by Phlox, Emberglow or Honeysuckle. Orchid Hush, a unique tone of gray with complex orchid undertones, blends well with any other color in the palette. Quarry, a reliable medium gray, remains, as always, a practical, dependable staple."

(Blogmeister's note: For over 17 years, Pantone, the global authority on color, has surveyed the designers of New York Fashion Week and beyond to bring you the season's most important color trends. Information and color samples can be found at www.pantone.com/pages/pantone/pantone.aspx?pg=20835&ca=4 )

Getting into My Groove

I just started a new Bible study last night, The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg.  I have to admit that at first I was completely put off by the title.  It sounded so new-agey, so self-focused, so all-about-me.  I'm trying to be about others and looking up, not at me.  Soooo boring and self-absorbed to be all about me, me, me.  But as I delved into the study I realized that there is merit to looking at, and becoming, the me that God intended me to be when He created me.  Not like a work plan where I do works for His kingdom, but flourishing in myself so that I am fulfilled and fulfill my distinct role in His kingdom plans.  Sounds like a fine distinction, but there is.

What Ortberg addressed head on, first session, was our being anyone but who we are designed to really be.  You know, the "me"

• I pretend to be or
• I think I should be or
• other people want me to be or
• I'm afraid God wants me to be or
• that fails to be

I've blogged before about how we get sidetracked trying to be what the media tells us to be, or to change in ways that others want us to change.  It's tough really figuring out who we are and what our best life was designed to be.  Not our "perfect" life or our "no problems ever" life, but our life that flourishes from our own special gifts and talents.  Kind of like living in the groove that is uniquely ours.

I think ~ no, let me rephrase that ~ I know I'm going to like this study, even though I may not like the process I may have to go through to reach its intended outcome in me.  So get ready with the fertilizer, sunlight, water and weed hoe, 'cause this flower is ready to bloom! 

 

Blackberry 7

Most adults carry around numbers their whole lives.  Social Security numbers. Credit ratings. Passwords.  Net worth. (Chronological age) You name it.  And when this stuff gets stolen, they call it "identity theft."  Like someone can steal your identity.  (spoken by Josh in The Blackberry Bush by David Housholder, p 132)

This quote knocks me out.  I am not a number.  Even if my numerical identity was completely wiped out,  I am so much more than the little boxes that society tries to put me in.  I belong to my Maker.  I am His and my identity in Him far outweighs society's pathetic attempts to categorize me into a series of neat, orderly digits.

Blackberry 6

When you start to stick out ahead of people, they try to find ways, together, to pull you back to their level.  There are all kinds of rules to follow if you want people to like you, and one of them is avoiding excellence that makes everyone else look bad.  (The Blackberry Bush, David Housholder, p 98)

Really?  I don't want to stunt my growth planted around those weeds.  I want to be the flower, not the bud that never blossoms ~ a flower amongst others flowers in a compelling, flourishing garden.

Blackberry 5

There's always one pancake in a batch that is shaped funny and a little burned.   That would be me.  (spoken by Kati from The Blackberry Bush by David Housholder, p 76)

And I'm totally okay with it because I don't want to be a cookie cutter version of everyone else.  I want to be the true blue me.

Blackberry 4

And everybody always wants me to do better than I am doing.  They say it's because they want the best for me.  But it doesn't feel good.  The older I get, the further behind I am.  I don't have enough friends.  I haven't finished enough homework.  My room is not clean enough.  I wasn't polite enough to my parents' guests....people don't like me enough....I'd rather be disliked for who I am as a person than loved for some projected image of who I am supposed to be.   (spoken by Kati and Josh from The Blackberry Bush by David Housholder, pp 27,139)

Simply teenage angst or does it ring a bell in your adult soul?

A Slut by Any Other Definition

Okay, bear with me.  I'm going to try real hard not to come across as judgmental of the "sacred wisdom" of feminism.  I'm just trying to be real.  Don't ask me for specific details like names, dates and locations.  All I know is there was a PBS broadcast featuring a general feminist outcry over a policeman who told a group of college women that one of the ways to protect themselves from sexual attacks on campus was to not dress like a slut.

Time for a word definition here (one that has been in use for about 500 years or so): 
slut (n) ~ 1. a slovenly, dirty woman 2. a woman of loose morals  3. a prostitute  4. a female dog 


Their beef about the "dress like a slut" reference is that it made the women look like they were "asking for it" or "blame-the-victim-game."  They marched in the streets demanding that it was time that women took back the word slut and owned it.  I don't know about you, but I have no interest in owning this word or any of the connotations that go with it ~ especially not if I'm bucking a 500-year-old trend.  If I'm going to take back any word(s) let it be ones that started with a good meaning that went south like "nice" girl.  Nice doesn't mean boring, dull or socially inept.  It means pleasant to be around, thoughtful and considerate of others.

I agree that scantily clad or suggestively clothed women do not overtly "ask for it," but let's get real here.   Sometimes we can inadvertently set ourselves up to be a victim.  Isn't that why we (both men and women) lock our cars and houses?  Tell our kids not to talk to or get into cars with strangers?  Stay away from an "iffy" part of town after dark?  Keep our currency, credit cards and passports close to our bodies while on vacation? Put our money in a bank and not on the front porch? 

Our mannerisms, including our manner of dress, is our calling card.  It's the world's first contact with us, and while we can't judge a book by a cover, that kind of judging unfortunately happens all the time.  So what message is being sent by a young woman who dresses in a manner that is traditionally and generically ascribed to a slut?   Does a man stop and ponder her terrific moral character or is he distracted by the "advertising?"  And the best way to advertise to a man is through his eyes, which are connected to a brain that we have no overt control over, a brain that goes into sexual fantasy hyper speed when triggered by sexy female images (regardless of the woman's initial intent when getting dressed).  Women may "own" their bodies but they don't "own" men's minds.

Okay, so having said all that ~ I agree that we don't want to blame the victim of sexual assault for "enticing" her attacker.  I do think that we need to be aware of the message we send out to men who are actively looking for "easy" targets or who just happen to get their "juices flowing."  So I think the policeman gave out practical self-defense advice.

As for taking back the word "slut."  No thank you!  Call me beloved, cherished, honey and maybe "hot" but don't be calling me slut.

Stop the Clock, I Want My Time Back

I'm trying to keep my summer zen going but the days are fleeting fast!  How can it be almost August, for crying out loud?  Granted, our crazy on again, off again summer weather hasn't added to a feeling of one consistent season, but it has to be about more than the thermometer.

I decided to finally take up meditation.  Maybe if I can learn to really be in the zen moment, my moments will slow down.

Sex Tourism ???!!!

http://sandyfrost.new.newsvine.com/_news/2011/07/13/7071830-international-coverage-of-brazil-child-sex-tourism-takes-off-20-american-tourists-targeted-by-brazilian-federal-police-documents-from-richard-schairs-criminal-past?threadId=0

Whether or not this particular group is guilty, this kind of "tourism" goes on all over the world by all nationality of tourists.  So what can you do about it?  Support the following organizations ~

http://callandresponse.com/

http://ijm.org/
http://tassatag.org/ 

Toute Suite on Hootsuite

Road Trip ~ Atlanta continued

Kunaki, Ping, Paper.li,  Hootsuite,  Fivere and the usual suspects Twitter, Facebook, YouTube.  Blog. Blog. Blog.  Website content.  Tweet your twits.  Get in front of a camera and get visual.  Keep your fans informed, your friends in touch and make your virtual presence known now.  And for heaven's sake make sure you regularly check your Klout and Roboform your passwords.

It's not enough to be an accomplished writer or an engaging speaker any more.  At least that's the gist of the conference workshop I attended.  No, you have to be au curant toute suite.  You have to become an active, immediate citizen of the virtual world; being a mere citizen is no longer enough if you want to remain relevant.  

Relevant to whom?  Some of the women who attended this conference are highly accomplished speakers, writers and even singers.  They made it before the virtual world took over reality.  Now they're being told that to more effectively reach their audiences they must be virtual and be quick about it.  I wonder if their audiences are all as "wired" as the writers and speakers are supposed to be.

I need a nap.

No Such Thing as Much-Watch TV

I watched the national news last night.  I don't know why.  I gave up regularly watching the news a couple of years ago because it was always such a downer.  So I watched last night and nothing has changed.  It makes me feel like the world is going to hell in a hand basket.  It made me sad and mad.  I stopped watching. 

Hasad ~ Being Raised in a Village

It takes a village to raise a child.  Hillary Clinton said that and was mocked for it.  I think that her mockers knew not what they were mocking.

When I hear young adults tell me how their lives got messed up because (pick one) ~

1. they didn't know one or more of their parents,
2. they were abused in some way by one or more of their parents
3. they were technically but not legally abandoned by one or more parent who was off (pick one)

• working his/her fanny off at work
• busy socializing or volunteering outside the home
• (fill in the blank).

Here's the deal as I see it.  I don't think that God ever intended for two people to raise a family in the nuclear unit we call the "modern" family.   Let me name a few reasons why ~ 

1. we are flawed human beings who were raised by flawed human beings
2. it's too much work for even two people to do everything for the family unit and do it well
3. it's good for the parents to have trusted support and help
4. we need to be love, nurtured and taught by a village of people, relatives or not, who are committed to our well-being and to the function of community ~ it's our lifeline.

Ah, there's that word again ~ community.  When I was going through my divorce many years ago, my son and I were very dependent upon community.  If I didn't have someone in my immediate "village" to take my young son for a couple of hours while I crumpled into a grieving heap, I honestly don't know if I could have endured.  In retrospect, of course I would have, but back then all I knew was that I needed someone loving to take my child so I could fall apart for a few hours.

I don't know how well my son would have endured without my brother who came along side as a father figure and spent real quality time with him, or my dad who became more than a grandpa, or my friend's husband who taught him about guy stuff like baseball.

The reality is, few of us come through childhood completely intact.  There is trauma, perceived or real, and we need more than mom and dad to protect us, mentor us, love us, uplift us. 

I must admit that I was one of the fortunate who grew up with a wonderful, healthy, loving set of parents.  Dad's military career kept us on the move every two to three years and it could have been a nightmare to try and raise three children on their own in a series of new towns.  But they knew that while their family wasn't close by they could count on their fellow military men and their wives to offer community.  While our nuclear family was fiercely supportive of each other, we also knew the lifelines offered by others in our same shoes. 


So yes, Hillary, it takes a village to raise a child.  And to those of you who were raised by flawed parents who disappointed you, take it to heart when you raise your own family that you will need a village to keep from messing up and disappointing your own kids.

Sex and Power, Part 4, My Editorial and the French Response

This is part four of a four-part blog.   It was prompted by the feature story in the May 30, 2011 issue of Time Magazine entitled Men Behaving Badly ~ What is it About Power that Make Men Crazy?  Part one is abuse of power.  Part two is our public response to that abuse.  Part three asks if it matters that we hold people to a standard of accountability and morality toward each other.  This fourth installment is my editorial and a response from the French.

First, my editorial ~

The mantra prevalent in our current culture is do-your-own-thing-as-long-as-you-don't-step-on-my-toes.  Great, except how do I do that since I don't live in a vacuum?  And even if I could successfully execute a completely self-centered, selfish lifestyle, I know that it's really not to my benefit.  And heaven knows, I can't possibly call someone on their inappropriate behavior if I'm engaging in my own. 

 There has to be a moral standard by which we all live~ an accountability and consequences ~  otherwise there is anarchy, chaos and lawlessness.   It goes beyond mere prudence or prudishness.  It comes down to the very human nature we are fighting against and the lofty standard to which we were created for, and yes, even called to.  Each of us is responsible for our own actions AND for holding society to a standard that honors and respects everyone without regard to rank, wealth, power or privilege.

Who can say, "I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin?"  (Prov 20:9)

All a man's ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.  (Prov 21:2)

Humility and fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life.  (Prov 22:4) 

# # #

And now the French response (as written in the same magazine)  to one of their own high-profile, high-powered men caught in the act ~

"(In) France, ...powerful men have traditionally treated sex as a right and used it as a weapon...but...some French women have begun to speak out about an atmosphere that condones sexual conduct that crosses the line and may even be criminal...The French tend to blur the line between what is acceptable ~ and even desirable...French women...have used seduction as a weapon to defend themselves against the machismo of men...(but) activists are calling for the taboo on the discussion of rape to be lifted, and feminists are demanding training in how to handle sexual harassment in the workplace.

'This affair might not change laws, but it may change attitudes...To hear all these men saying,'Ah, he is so seductive and he just loves women...Give me a break....We are not pieces of chocolate.' "

  

Sex and Power, Part 3

This is part three of a four-part blog.   It was prompted by the feature story in the May 30, 2011 issue of Time Magazine entitled Men Behaving Badly ~ What is it About Power that Make Men Crazy?  Part one is abuse of power.  Part two is our public response to that abuse.  Part three asks if it matters that we hold people to a standard of accountability and morality toward each other.

# # #

"What matters is not prudishness ~ we've left that far behind ~ but prudence, a sense that public figures should be discouraged from destroying themselves and their families, even if we gawk at the results when they do.  And that power is a privilege not to be abused.  The cases that involve a lawmaker chasing pages around the cloakroom or a boss cornering a junior employer or ....all deserve to be taken seriously.  And in cases that involve actual violence, they need to be treated like the crimes they are."

# # #

A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.  (Prov 19:19)

A wise man attacks the city of the mighty and pulls down the stronghold in which they trust.  (Prov 21:22)

A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.  (Prov 22:1)