Hasad ~ Being Raised in a Village

It takes a village to raise a child.  Hillary Clinton said that and was mocked for it.  I think that her mockers knew not what they were mocking.

When I hear young adults tell me how their lives got messed up because (pick one) ~

1. they didn't know one or more of their parents,
2. they were abused in some way by one or more of their parents
3. they were technically but not legally abandoned by one or more parent who was off (pick one)

• working his/her fanny off at work
• busy socializing or volunteering outside the home
• (fill in the blank).

Here's the deal as I see it.  I don't think that God ever intended for two people to raise a family in the nuclear unit we call the "modern" family.   Let me name a few reasons why ~ 

1. we are flawed human beings who were raised by flawed human beings
2. it's too much work for even two people to do everything for the family unit and do it well
3. it's good for the parents to have trusted support and help
4. we need to be love, nurtured and taught by a village of people, relatives or not, who are committed to our well-being and to the function of community ~ it's our lifeline.

Ah, there's that word again ~ community.  When I was going through my divorce many years ago, my son and I were very dependent upon community.  If I didn't have someone in my immediate "village" to take my young son for a couple of hours while I crumpled into a grieving heap, I honestly don't know if I could have endured.  In retrospect, of course I would have, but back then all I knew was that I needed someone loving to take my child so I could fall apart for a few hours.

I don't know how well my son would have endured without my brother who came along side as a father figure and spent real quality time with him, or my dad who became more than a grandpa, or my friend's husband who taught him about guy stuff like baseball.

The reality is, few of us come through childhood completely intact.  There is trauma, perceived or real, and we need more than mom and dad to protect us, mentor us, love us, uplift us. 

I must admit that I was one of the fortunate who grew up with a wonderful, healthy, loving set of parents.  Dad's military career kept us on the move every two to three years and it could have been a nightmare to try and raise three children on their own in a series of new towns.  But they knew that while their family wasn't close by they could count on their fellow military men and their wives to offer community.  While our nuclear family was fiercely supportive of each other, we also knew the lifelines offered by others in our same shoes. 


So yes, Hillary, it takes a village to raise a child.  And to those of you who were raised by flawed parents who disappointed you, take it to heart when you raise your own family that you will need a village to keep from messing up and disappointing your own kids.