Collateral Damage

(Blogmeister's note #1:  Don't read if you are the squeamish type.)

I have to vent before I explode!  I really shouldn't listen to Dr. Laura while driving.  The people who call in drive me crazy.  On the top of my list are women who make babies with a man they already know is unfit husband material.  What are they thinking?  Unfit or unwilling husbands (or boyfriends) do not good daddies make.  Or they marry the "right" man and make a family but now the relationship has hit a rocky plateau and it's going to take energy and commitment to make it work, so why bother?   And if there is turmoil in the house, or dad just plain skips out, or they divorce, the kids are left holding the bag.

I know this sounds judgmental but I'm thinking of the innocent victims, the offspring, the children who get slammed by extremely poor and often self-serving choices of their parents.  And I get to sound off because I was one of those women.  I married the "right" man but lacked maturity and coping skills when the proverbial you-know-what hit the fan.  Instead of even trying to work it out, even though he had "stepped out" on me, I freaked and let everything slip through my fingers.   I was thinking way more about me and my hurt than I was about our 2-year old son and what we all stood to lose by not even trying.  I'm not saying he was willing to try either, but my son never stood a chance of having an intact family with his biological parents.

No one I knew had divorced so I didn't have a road map to follow, I just forged ahead.  Everyone was on my side and said I was perfectly justified in letting him go without trying.  But what about the sweet innocent victim ~ my son?

My only defense is that I didn't know Jesus back then.  I didn't understand the sanctity with which God views marriage. I didn't understand the holiness of the biological bonds between parent and child.  I didn't understand living beyond myself to a higher purpose.   I didn't dream I would be a single parent for 13 years.  And I certainly never thought that my son would suffer from a lack of dad in the home since he saw daddy on weekends, my brothers and my own father stepped in, and I was, after all, a terrific mom.

Don't go all ballistic on me and say women shouldn't stay in unhealthy relationships.  I agree.  All I'm saying is a woman should look before she leaps (whether she's contemplating marriage or divorce) ~ read the book between the covers ~ make decisions based on the brain not libido or emotion ~ think of her future or current children.  My heart cries for the innocent who become collateral damage.

But (Jesus) answered and said, "It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs."  - Matt 15:26

(Blogmeister's note #2:  My life has been restored.  My son is a fine young man.  I have remarried and have a terrific husband.  Our blended family blended well, although there still was some collateral damage.  We are the lucky ones.  No, let me rephrase that, we are blessed by a God whom we placed squarely in the middle of our previously broken lives.  It's a position He still occupies.)