Money and Faith

Lessons from the Kitchen continued

Money.  I have a hang-up about it.   Let me clarify.  I like money.  I like having money.  I don't like spending money, at least, my money.   I know, in a marriage it should be ours not his or hers, but the money we are spending on the kitchen remodel came from my resources/business.  I want to hoard that money for safe-keeping.

My mom doesn't like to spend money either, at least not on the big things.  She will plan and think and dream but has to practically be pushed off a cliff to make the purchase.  I think that comes from her upbringing ~ from a family who lived frugally, recycled long before it was in vogue, made a lot of their stuff and endured the Depression.  

Add to that my own 13-year journey of being a single parent with no child support.  I did okay on the daily stuff and eventually even bought a house, but I never had much of a financial reserve.  It was always a concern to me.

So here I am pulling the trigger on an expensive (by  my standards) remodel and the old fears about money popped up.  These fears are compounded by the thought of not having enough income in my old age, particularly if I go down the dementia road that my father traveled and need extra care.

To my chagrin, I realized that these fears are based on lack of faith in my God, who loves me, wants the best for me and promises to take care of me.  He has already equipped me with resources for a financially secure future.  We have sought His guidance on being good stewards with our money.  Yet I do not put my full trust in Him.

Lord, it shames me and pains me to think that I am lacking in my faith.  You have been a good Father to me, proving Yourself over and over again of Your love for me.  I am choosing to rest secure in You.   I am choosing to believe Your promises.  Amen.