2013. Grow. Journey. Adventure.
As I entered 2013 last January, I could not get "a" word. Usually one word comes to me and is my compass for the year. But last January three words came to mind and that should have been my clue. Little did I know that "the" word, a singular word, wouldn't become apparent again until I had journeyed through the 365 days ahead of me.
It is said that it takes an average of two years before coming out from under the fog of death, divorce or other loss of a great love. I thought with my mother's passing in December 2012 that I was freed up from responsibilities of her care and that time, resources and focus would literally be on an adventure. I even envisioned exactly what that adventures would be.
Well, I did take some road trips, but my 2013 words were not about those kind of adventures.
What I missed in my assessment of "grow, journey, adventure" was how inter-related yet separate each word was. I would spend a year growing into my new reality of Mom's absence, and with it, the empty feeling of being an orphan. I would spend a year slowly journeying down a path of mourning, shedding my mantle from deeply impacted grief to step out of the fog into daylight. I just didn't realize this was my year's journey because I was so functional and deeply sad but not miserable. And I did have fun, even terrific adventures but now I realize they weren't the focus but merely gifts in my year's journey.
As I experienced a most amazing joy-filled Christmas at the end of 2013, and as I looked back over Christmas 2012, I now realized that I was on an unexpected journey from despair to hope, fog to light. And so, my singular word has returned.
2014. Focus.
I am a life-long generalist. So much interests me that I get bored quickly. There is just too much to experience. In many ways, this layering of multiple experiences has served me well, but at the same time it has kept me from going deeper.
Focus. I even know what I am to focus on. True, it's not just one avenue, but it's going deeper in selected avenues and not being distracted.
In 2013, I was on a journey back to life, back to my mother's legacy of "Love hard. Play often. Forgive much. Live well." Had I known, I would have embraced the journey.
"For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19, NLT
No, I did not see it, but I see it now. A pathway has opened and for this year I need to focus, nourished by fresh flowing rivers within me.
"Focus your eyes straight ahead; keep your gaze on what is in front of you." - Proverbs 4:25, CEB
I have energy that was missing. I have hope that was shrouded. I have true joy in being right where I am at the start of a new year. Focus. It's a good word.
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