This is not an easy post for me to write. The subject matter and title came quickly, sharply to mind, but the emotions that come with it are yucky to feel and even yuckier to admit. I have been slow to write down my thoughts just so I can absorb and process my feelings at a rate that I can handle and not just disgust my pathetic self.
And what, may you ask, brought on this searing self-examination? A wedding. To be exact, helping out a motherless young woman living 3,000 miles away from family prepare for and enjoy her big day. Pathetic, I know. She's doing the best she can and I'm secretly annoyed because I have to ~ are you ready for this? ~ I have to prepare a dish (that I didn't choose) for her wedding party's brunch (so they don't pass out from hunger by the time the late afternoon wedding takes place) AND ~ heaven help me, I can barely type out these words ~ I have been asked (kind of "ordered") to pay for champagne, and then afterward help with the washing and ironing of tablecloths.
In retrospect, I realized that what I was bristling against was not the helping out, because I do love this young woman and wanted her wedding to be the day of her dreams. No, the hairs on my arms stood up because of the way in which I was "asked." Not by the young woman. She, God bless her heart, had already sent out thank you notes in advance telling us how grateful she was for the help. No, it was one of the organizers who simply "took control" of the brunch and make some executive decisions since the rest of us weren't.
There it is again ~ my attitude. What's worse is our pastor had preached just the Sunday before about hasad which is the Hebrew word for community and I was all over his comments that the church should be about real community. "Oh, yes, I thought. This church needs more community." Well, sweetheart, it begins with you ("you" being "me").
In the course of Groovy emails that were flying back and forth preparing for this wedding brunch, it hit me like a ton of bricks - - -
Kelley wrote, "Thanks Groovies for helping. Remember that she just lost her mom...so it's a privilege and a help for all of us to be pitching in and being surrogate mothers :) Wouldn't it be nice if we were gone and someone did this for our daughter/son?"
It was so nice to know that this is blessing her... she's such a sweetheart and I know that this
weekend will be so special to her..."
But it was Muffy's email that nailed me to the floor, "It would be good to look at this as a ministry/service opportunity. We often don't think of weddings and things like that, but it really is. She does not have real "family" that is helping. Her mom is gone and her dad has flown into town and will not be seeing her until the festivities begin. She is disappointed because she thought they would fly in and help out. She appreciates this soooo much. I like the sound of surrogate mothers!."
Can I get up off the ground now? Can I pleasssssssssse get up off the ground? Lord, God, I am sooooooooo sorry for my attitude. I could have failed you, my church community, my Groovy community and this precious young woman all because of my me-me-me-I-don't-like-the-way-you-asked-me attitude. Help me to get over myself because I really do believe in community and I want to be a giver in that setting not just a taker nor a participant only on my terms.
Wedding postscript ~ Terrific day! Terrific brunch! Totally unexpected level of generosity and beauty of our serving them. And a bonus: I got to share the bride's day in a more intimate way with her; I got to eat a great meal and share close fellowship with my dear Groovies; I took some leftovers home to a very appreciative husband and son.
Ah, the give and take of community. It's a beautiful thing.
signed,
a recovering me-aholic
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